Eastside attacked; lake monster devastates neighborhood

ANYTOWN (RDMU) - Despite local officials' and residents' hopes,

the monster which destroyed the Northside is back. It emerged

from Lake Anytown at approximately 1:40 p.m. local time and

began setting the Eastside ablaze, eating anything that tried

to run away.

Horrified witnesses describe the attack as even worse than the

beating the Northside took earlier in the hour.

"It breathed a massive cone of fire right onto the dorms," said

singed Anytown University sophomore Gil Rappaport. "All my stuff

was in there. And my girlfriend, I think."

Anytown Police Department officers had not yet arrived on the

scene as of this writing. The scope of the damage has yet to be

calculated, but is certainly massive.

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