ANYTOWN (RDMU) - In an admission startling to absolutely no one,
Anytown industrial stalwart SludgeCorp has confirmed the monster
eating Anytown is, indeed, its creation.
"What can I say?" asked SludgeCorp CEO Dr. Silas Sludge. "We
thought you couldn't handle the truth about the bio-phenomenon.
You say you can. Okay, our bad."
The creature, code-named Shockenaw by the company, is a prototype
bio-weapon which has, evidently, grown larger and more quickly
than SludgeCorp anticipated.
"We figured about man-sized, at most," said Dr. Sludge. "It just
kind of got away from us...in the figurative and literal senses."
The creature has killed nearly 5,000 people so far and destroyed
half of the town.
Its current whereabouts are unknown, though authorities believe
it's headed to the Southside, where an evacuation is underway.