MONTGOMERY, AL (WSFA) - The internet website Gawker has officially finished its journey across the United States in an effort to rank the states from best to worst. The writers weren't happy with the Heart of Dixie, however, naming Alabama second only to Arizona as the worst state in the union.
It wasn't immediately known if the writers did a simple Google search to come up with their conclusions, or if they tanked up the SUV and headed out across the ole amber waves of grain looking for negativity to fill the article.
"CLOGGED ARTERY OF BAD IDEAS"
"The Heart of Dixie is alas a clogged artery of bad ideas and other sad stuff," the article started. The authors said they had a hard time keeping themselves from simply copy/pasting their thoughts concerning Mississippi, Alabama's next-door neighbor and the fifth worst state on the list.
Mississippi and Alabama, and every other state, were separated into two lists: "The Good" and "The Bad". They were then assigned points on a scale of 1 to 10. Snarky commentary filled in most of the blanks.
Mississippi, for example, is "verdant and lush and full of magnolias," the writers pointed out before adding they never actually saw any magnolias.
Alabama has Auburn, "a good school", and "some pretty old buildings..." and even the Alabama Shakespeare Festival made the good list.
The bad list included Alabama's controversial new immigration law, "crazy politicians", the state's history of racism and other things.
The article summarized the state as "rural and empty and miserable in the summer and full of tornadoes." Final Score: 2.94 out of 10 points.
To be fair to Gawker, most every state found itself the victim of some pretty harsh assessments. Overall takeaway from the writers: "While all 50 states possess good qualities, mostly this is a nation of horrors and there is no reason that any of us should live here."
In case you're wondering, New York is the best state, err...least worst state according to Gawker.