Courtesy Scott - Auburn University Class 2000
Concerned with the lack of success of his own team, and impressed with the success of the Auburn Tigers, Coach Fran decided to pay a visit to an Auburn University practice to find out the secret to winning games.  Upon his arrival, he visited with Coach Tuberville and asks him  his secret. 

Coach Tubs proudly calls over his QB, Daniel Cobb.  He says to Daniel, "Daniel, who is your father's son?"  Daniel's answers, "That's easy coach, it's me!", and trots off.  Coach Tubs tells Fran the secret is having a smart QB and getting him to answer that easy question.
Coach Fran returns to Tuscaloosa happy and excited.  He finally has the answer to success (getting his QB to answer that simple question).  During practice Coach Fran calls over Tyler Watts and asks him, "Tyler, who is your father's son?"  Tyler gets a perplexed look on his face, struggles for a moment, and then smiling answers, "I got it coach, it's me!.  Shocked, Coach Fran answers, "No you idiot, its Daniel Cobb!!!!!!!!"
Courtesy Carolyn - Montgomery, AL
Two Alabama players, John and Jim,  were building a house.  As they hammered away, John noticed that sometimes Jim would pick up a nail, look at it and throw it away.  John asked "Why are you throwing away some of the nails?" To which Jim replied, "They're no good, they have the head on the wrong end!"  "You idiot", John exclaimed, "those are for the opposite wall!"

Courtesy RBCoopJustUS

Do you know how to tell that an Auburn Student has been on a computer? 
There's whiteout on the screen.

Courtesy J. Tyler - Montgomery, AL
Coach Tuberville received a notice that his best linebacker would have to sit out the Alabama/Auburn game due to poor math grades.
Coach Tuberville told the player, "I'll tell you what, if you get this answer right, I'll let you play . "What is two plus two?"
The linebacker hesitantly replied, "I think it's four."
The rest of the team piped up, "Aw Coach, let him have another chance".

Courtesy Buddy Cobb
Three students, a student from Auburn, a student from Alabama and a student from Tennessee, are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.  I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the genie.
The Auburn student says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want a wall built around Auburn so that no one can come in and disrupt our fertile ground."With a blink of the genie's eye, "POOF," and Auburn's fertile grounds were forever sealed off from the rest of the world.

The UT student was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around the University of Tennessee so that nobody from out of state can come into our precious school and none of our Athletic Department can leave, we will forever have a great team." Again, with the blink of the genie's eye, "POOF," there was a huge wall around the University of Tennessee.

The Alabama student says, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about these walls."  The genie explains, "Well, they are about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surround the areas they requested. No one can get in or out." The Alabama student says, "Fill them with water."
Roll Tide

Courtesy Anonymous
An Alabama player walked into a bank requesting change for a dollar.  With a puzzled look on his face, he turned to the teller and said "Excuse me Ma'am, but you only gave me .75 cents back".  The teller replied, "Yes, that is because you are only good for three quarters".

Courtesy Bob Chance
Q: What do you get if you cross an Alabama football player with a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Courtesy Liz Tomlin 

Following the stunning losses to UCLA, South Carolina and Ole Miss, the Tide returned to the practice field yesterday afternoon only to find their practice stopped by Coach Franchione after 10 minutes. He instructed the players to head for the locker room while he and his assistant coaches examined an unidentified  "white,  powdery substance" on the field. Local CDC and state law officials were called in to inspect the substance and informed the coaches that practice could continue as planned. 

"We informed Coach Franchione that the white, powdery substance he was unfamiliar with was the goal line," said an FBI representative.

Courtesy Mazen El-Nakib 

Q: Why are so many Auburn jokes one-liners?
A: So Alabama fans can remember them.

Q: What do you call an Alabama cheerleader with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Why did 18 Alabama fans go to a movie?
A: Because under 18 was not allowed!!!

Hear about the Alabama fan that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Alabama fan: "Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"
Man: "It's 3:15."
Alabama fan: (puzzled look on his face) "You know; it's the weirdest thing; I've been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

An Alabama fan stopped at a man's house and asked if there was any work he could do to earn a little money. The man handed him a bucket of paint and said, "Go out front there, and paint the porch." An hour later, the boy came back and said, "Is that all the work you got?" The man said, "You finished already?" "Yeah," the boy replied, "and by the way, that ain't no Porsche, it's a Mustang!"

What does a Tennessee student with a science degree ask?
"Why does it work?"
What does an Auburn student with an engineering degree ask?
"How does it work?"
What does a Georgia student with an accounting degree ask?
"How much will it cost?"
What does any student with an Alabama degree ask?
"Do you want fries with that?"

An Alabama swimmer competed with an Auburn swimmer and a Tennessee swimmer in a breaststroke relay. The Auburn swimmer came in first, the Tennessee swimmer second. The Alabama swimmer finally finished the competition completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

An Alabama fan was driving down the interstate when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-85. Please be careful!" The Alabama fan said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"

Courtesy John Stoneback - Elba, AL 

You know that a professor at the University of Florida invented "Gatoraide."  Well did you hear that he just came up with a wine? "I DON'T WANT TO PLAY AUBURN NEXT YEAR.

Courtesy Clint Lawrence 

What do Auburn and the moon have in common?
They both control the "Tide"!

Courtesy Tully Burnett - Troy, AL 

Know how to get a Bama graduate off your front porch?

Courtesy Fred B. Perry, Jr. Auburn '56 

An Auburn student had a rural, shy cousin that went to the University of Alabama. This cousin had never dated so he came to visit his Auburn cousin asking for leadership. They planned for the Auburn boy to entertain his girl while the cousin hid behind the sofa to learn. Things went well that evening and eventually the Auburn boy put his arm around his girl and said,"You have the odor of a fragrant blossom."  Well, the next evening, the Alabama boy did the same and it too went well until he put his arm around the girl and said, "You have the odor of a pregnant possum."

Well, they tried it again. This time, the Auburn boy leaned over later in the evening with his elbow on his knee and chin in his hand in deep thought. She asked, "What’s wrong?"  He replied, "I’m contemplating matrimony." The next evening, the Alabama cousin did likewise. The girl also asked what was the matter to which he replied "I’m constipated on macaroni."


Courtesy Mike from Wicksburg 

Many years ago it was late in the fourth quarter with the score tied when someone from Troy State set a firecracker off in the stands.  The Alabama team thought it was the end of the game and ran off the field to the locker room,  three plays later, Auburn missed a field goal.
Courtesy Derrick Shonk, Jr. 

There were 4 men climbing a mountain.  One was a Tennessee fan, one was a Florida fan, one was an Alabama fan, and one was an Auburn fan. The Tennessee fan was on top first. He ran to the edge and yelled, "This is for the Vols!" and sacrificed himself by jumping off.  The Florida fan went second screaming, "This is for the Gators!" and also sacrificed himself.  Next the Auburn fan ran to the edge of the mountain and screamed, "This is for the mighty Tigers!" and pushed the Alabama fan off the mountain.

Courtesy Tony Lasner 

An Alabama student was working on a computer.  The teacher came around and said to the Alabama student," The computer wants to know your name."  The Alabama student leaned  over and whispered to the computer, "My name is David."


Courtesy Michael Buchanan - Auburn, AL
I understand the University of Alabama will have a hockey team pretty soon, since in that sport only three periods are played anyway.

 Courtesy Aaron W. - Montgomery, AL
Q. Why don't the Auburn Tigers drink ice-water after practice anymore?
A. The player with the recipe graduated!

An Auburn graduate and an Alabama graduate were having a friendly talk. The Auburn man told the
Alabama man, "I'm going to take a trip to the sun."  The Alabama man exclaims, "But that's impossible! You'll burn up!"  The Auburn graduate replied, "I know, that's why I am going at night."

Courtesy D. Hines

A stranger pulled into the driveway of a prosperous Auburn pig farmer.  He commented to the Auburn man, "You raise a lot of pigs but I'll bet you a pig against one of yours that I can tell you how many you have".  The Auburn guy says,"I don't believe you can do it, it's a bet. "

The stranger says, "You have 1,435."  The Auburn guy says, "You're right, go pick one out."  The stranger returns with his prize and the Auburn guy asks him if he's a college graduate to which the stranger responds 'yes.'
The Auburn guy says, "I'll bet you another pig against the one that you won from me that I can tell where you graduated.".  The stranger says "I don't believe you can do it, it's a bet".  The Auburn guy says "You're a Bama graduate."  The stranger replies, "You're right, but how did you know"?  The Auburn guy responds, "Never mind how I knew, just put my goat down and get off my property."

Courtesy Phillip Hicks
Q.   Six Auburn players are riding in a van.  Who's driving?
 A.   The warden.

Courtesy Nita Robertson - Tallassee, AL
There was a husband, who was an Alabama fan, and a wife, who was a Tennessee fan. The wife said she wanted to become an Alabama fan. So she went to the doctor to get 3/4 of her brain removed. Instead, they removed 2/4 of her brain. When she woke up she cried out WARRR EAGLE!

Courtesy Jennifer K. Johnson
A group of Alabama players and a group of Auburn players got summer jobs at the same power company.  They were divided into 2 groups for obvious reasons.  Each team was instructed to install as many power poles as possible by the end of the day.  At the end of the day, the Alabama team comes in and tells the manager they put up 25 poles during that day. 

The manager congratulates them and tells them to hang out until the Auburn team comes in.  The Auburn team arrives and proudly says they have installed 3 telephone poles during that day.  The manager is understandably bewildered and exclaims that the Alabama team has installed 25 poles, why were they
only able to install 3?  To which the Auburn team proudly defends itself by saying - Yeah, but you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!

Courtesy Mary Lois Ledbetter
Q. Do you know why Alabama is not only in trouble with the NCAA but also with the American Humane Society?
A.  They've already killed four elephants trying to teach them how to fly!!!

Courtesy Nita Robertson - Tallassee, AL
There was a husband, who was an Alabama fan, and a wife, who was a Tennessee fan. The wife said she wanted to become an Alabama fan. So she went to the doctor to get 3/4 of her brain removed. Instead, they removed 2/4 of her brain. When she woke up she cried out WARRR EAGLE!


Courtesy George Helms

An Alabama possum and an Auburn possum were walking through the woods.  They both stepped in a leg-hold trap.  After much struggling, the Auburn possum said, "I'm going to chew off my leg and get free."  He had decided he could live with three legs and proceeded to chew off his leg.   The Alabama possum declined the Auburn possum's invitation to follow suit saying, "No,  I'm going to figure a way out."  The Auburn possum left and came back the next day to find the Alabama possum still trapped.  He told the Alabama possum, "Chew off the leg and let's go!"  The Alabam possum replied, "I've already chewed off three legs and I'm still trapped."

Courtesy Justin Richburg - Troy, AL

This is what the test an Auburn Football player must pass to play for Tommy!!!!

Instructions: Find all words in this cross word Puzzle

Time limit 10 minutes.

Good Luck Auburn Fans Dont think to hard!!!


Hope you pass!!!!   ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Courtesy Ren Franklin - Auburn class of 1997 - Detroit, MI

How come Bama has never scored a point on Auburn in Tuscaloosa?
Because the Bama football players can't find their way to the field from the locker room.

A Bama fan gets sent to the underworld.  The Devil thinks, "Hmm, I got to think of a way to torture him.  He's from Tuscaloosa, and it gets hot there. "  So the Devil turns up the heat to 24 degrees.  The Bama fan takes his hat off and says, "This is just like Tuscaloosa in June."

The Devil gets angry and says, "Okay, I'll turn it up ten more degrees."  The Bama fan takes his shirt off and says this is just like Tuscaloosa in July."  The Devil gets more angry and says, "Okay, I will turn it up ten more degrees."  The Bama Fan takes off his boots and says, "This is just like Tuscaloosa in August."

So the Devil gets an idea.  He turns the heat off and the underworld freezes and a blizzard starts.  The Devil says, "That will teach him."  Then the Bama fan starts dancing and jumping around and shouting for joy.  The Devil goes to the Bama Fan and says, "What's wrong with you?  Why are you so happy."  The Bama fan says, "Bama just won the National Title!!!!"

How come Bear Bryant kept calling Auburn that "Cow College?"
Because all the bull is in Tuscaloosa

A Bama grad student and an Auburn grad student go swimming in a lake.  The Bama student starts to drown and he shouts to the Auburn student, "Help me!"  The Auburn student says, "You want me to save you?"  The Bama student says, "Yes!"  The Auburn student says, "Okay, then stand up!!!"

Courtesy Robert Hatch - Auburn, AL

How many Alabama fans does it take to change a light bulb? 
Six.  One to change it, and five to sit around talking about how good the old one was.

An Alabama offensive lineman who doesn't hold, a humble Florida Gator, and Santa Claus all checked into the same hotel.  As they entered the elevator, they spotted a $50 bill on the floor.  Who ended up with the money and why?
Santa Claus - the other two aren't real!!!!!

Did you hear about the attack on Auburn by University of Alabama students?
The 'Bama students threw grenades into the dorm windows; the Auburn students pulled the
pins out, and threw the grenades back out at the 'Bama students.

Courtesy DocDoc24fan

One time an Auburn dude said, "Where's the Bama locker room?".  A man in the stadium said, "There's a sign.  Look at the sign."  The Auburn dude looked at the sign which read, "Locker Room - Left."  So the Auburn player left.

Courtesy Millner Thomas
As an Alabama student walked down the street, he noticed an Auburn student jumping on a man-hole cover.  As he jumped very high, he counted, "24-24-24."  The Alabama student asked what he was doing but received no answer.  The Alabama student then said to the Auburn student, "You are not doing that right."  He then reach out and pulled the Auburn student off the cover and began to jump, attempting to jump higher and higher.  The Auburn student waited until the Alabama student made a very high jump then reached out and pulled off the cover.  He than replaced the cover, began to jump and counted, "25 -25-25."
 Courtesy Bruce and Manna Stewart - Prattville, AL
An Alabama and Auburn student were watching a John Wayne movie at the theater.  The Alabama student said to the Auburn student, "I bet you ten dollars that John Wayne wins the fight, gets the girl and rides off into the sunset and under a tree and a limb knocks him off his horse." The Auburn student says,"Ok."   Sure enough John Wayne wins the fight, gets the girl, rides off into the sunset and under a tree and a limb knocks him off his horse. The Auburn student says "Here is the ten dollars." The Alabama student says, "I can't take your money because I've seen this movie before." The Auburn student says "I've seen this movie before too, but I didn't think he was stupid enough to do it again."

Courtesy Al Rouasn - Montgomery, AL
What the Alabama Graduates use there diplomas for?
Place them on car windshield and park in handicap space.

Courtesy StubsC13

Q: Whats the difference between an Alabama buck and an Auburn buck?

A: One Point!!

Courtesy Coolseg

Question:  How do you keep an Auburn player busy?
Answer:  Give him a sheet of paper that says, "Turn Over" on both sides.

Question:  What is another way to keep an Auburn player busy
Answer:  Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

There were three guys all about to be shot.  One was an Alabama player, one was an Auburn player, and one was a Florida Gators' player.  The people that were going to shoot them asked if they had any last words.  The Alabama player said, "Look, a tornado!" and he got away.  The Florida player said, "Hurricane!" and he got away.  The Auburn player said, "Fire!" and they shot him. 

Courtesy Mike Brown - Montgomery, AL

There's an Auburn grad, a Georgia grad, and a Vandy grad that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal warehouse. The Georgia grad and Vandy grad each hid in a box and the Auburn grad hid in a bag. The police walked in and knocked on the Vandy guy's box and the Vandy grad replied "MOO!"  The police said, "Oh, it's just a cow."  After knocking on the Georgia grad's box the police heard the guy reply "OINK, OINK!" The police said, "Oh, it's just a pig."  The police shook the Auburn grad's bag and he said POTATOES!

How do you keep an Alabama sorority girl in the shower all day?
Give her shampoo that says lather, rinse, repeat.

Did you hear about the Auburn linebacker that stole a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Do you know what AUBURN stands for?
Alabama Usually Beats Us Round November

What are the longest 3 years of an Auburn football player's life?
His freshman year(s).

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Auburn joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm an Auburn fan. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's an Auburn fan, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's an Auburn fan, too! Now, do you still want to tell your Auburn joke?" The guy says, "No." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?" The guy says, "No. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

 Courtesy Richard

Tide Fan: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Tide Fan:  "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Tide Fan: "How do you spell that?"

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not say a word.  An earlier discussion on which team was better Auburn or Alabama had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.  As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"  "Naw," the husband replied, "Just the Alabama tide, home for the holidays."


Courtesy DvdTrog

How many Auburn students does it take to change a lightbulb?

100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how good it was, and 50 to take it apart.

Courtesy Jarrod Owens - Highland Home, AL

There was a Tennesee fan, an Alabama fan, and an Auburn fan on a hunting trip. The Tennesee guy goes out and kills 5 deer. The Alabama guy asked him how he did it and the Tennesee guy said I saw tracks, I followed the tracks, and I killed the deer. So the Alabama guy goes out and kills 6 deer. The Auburn guy asked him how he did it and he said I saw tracks, I followed the tracks, and I killed the deer. So the Auburn guy goes out and comes back about an hour later and he is all scratched and bruised up. So the Alabama and Tennesee guys ask him what happened and he said I saw tracks, I followed the tracks, and I got hit by a train.

Courtesy Kim Spencer

A high school senior came home from school one day crying his eyes out.  When his mother asked what was wrong, he said, "I entered an essay contest at school, and I cam in second place and won a 4-year scholarship to Awbun."  The mother said, "What's wrong with that?"  Still sobbing the boy said, "First prize was $50."

An Awbie walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, you hafta help me."  "What's wrong,"says the doc.  "I got a quarter stuck in each ear," says the Awbie.  "How long have they been there?" asks the doc.  "Over a year," says the Awbie.  "Why didn't you come in sooner?" asks the doc.  "I didn't need the money," says the Awbie.

Courtesy campbs2

Did you hear about the Alabama Football Fans who were driving to Tuscaloosa for a football game?  When they saw the sign saying "University of Alabama - Left," they turned around and went home

Courtesy Thirddayer

What's the diffence between an Auburn Cheerleader and an Elephant?
40 pounds. How do you equalize the two? Feed the Elephant.

How many Auburn Cheerleaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
15, One to change it and fourteen to clap and cheer.

Courtesy Martin McDonald - Prattville, AL

All Auburn fans have a problem paying their light bills for only one reason:  They can't afford the Alabama Power!!!!!

These three Alabama football players were riding down a back country road and they see this car broke down with three Auburn football players inside.  So being the nice football players they are, the Alabama players pick the Auburn players up.  The Auburn guys hop in the back of the Alabama pick-up truck but the truck blows a tire and runs off the road into a pond.  A few minutes pass and here come the Alabama football players swimming to the shore.  All three make it to shore and one player looks at the other ones and says, "Where are the Auburn players?"  Another player replied, "They couldn't get the tail-gate down."

Courtesy Bruce Stewart - Prattville, AL
How do you know your in the big town of Auburn ?  By all the John Deer tractors parked on the street. 

Courtesy AirBull

An Alabama hunter came upon some Auburn deer hunters in the woods who were pulling one of the biggest bucks he had ever seen.  He stopped and said "man, that's got to be the biggest deer I've ever seen!  But you know it's a lot easier to pull a big deer like that if you drag him by the horns instead of the rear legs!" The Auburn hunters, said thanks and started off.  About a mile down the trail, one of the Auburn hunters commented " I hate to say it, but the Alabama guy was right... It's a LOT easier to pull this deer by the horns".  And the other replied, "yeah, it is easier, but if he was so smart, why are we getting farther and farther away from the truck!!" 

An Alabama student happened be on the Auburn campus one day and saw six or seven Auburn students grab this long pole and raise it into the air. Then another student started to climb the pole with a tape measure.  So being interested in what's going on, the Alabama student asked "what are you guys doing?", and Auburn student repiled, "we are trying to see how tall this pole is".  With that the Alabama student said, "well why don't you lay it on the ground and measure it that way?".  The Auburn student answers sarcasticly, "we already know how long it is!!!!!!" 

Courtesy Shea Brantley

The Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps. The special commemorative stamps had pictures of Auburn players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

 Courtesy David Johns

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon: an Alabama fan, an Auburn fan, an Ole Miss fan and a Mississippi State fan.  They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan. Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the OleMiss fan proclaimed to the other three...."This is for the Rebels!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.

Not to be outdone by an Ole Miss fan, the Mississippi State fan jumped up and said, "This is for the Bulldogs!" and threw himself off the mountain...again as a form of sacrifice.

Refusing to be outdone by the Ole Miss and Mississippi State fans, the Auburn fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "This is for the Tigers!" and without any hesitation, pushed the Alabama fan off the mountain!

Courtesy Diane Richard

You can't get to heaven in a red canoe,
Because God's favorite colors are orange and blue 

Courtesy Don Richard - Millbrook, AL
How do you get an Alabama Graduate off of your front porch?  Pay for the pizza.
What do an Alabama graduate and a tornado have in common?  Sooner or later, they'll both end up in a trailer park.

Courtesy Rhonda Jones
Why is Bama like a possum?  It plays dead at home and gets killed on the road.


Courtesy Kim Spencer
Two Auburn fans are walking in the woods. One Auburn fan says, "Look! A dead bird." The other Auburn fan looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"   

Courtesy Tyler Spencer 
Two Auburn fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."
Q. What's the difference between Alabama and Cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't! 

Courtesy Tim Bourgeois - Lake Charles, LA
What has 300 legs and 7 teeth?
The Alabama Band.